transracial parenting – Transracial Journeys

Making and Breaking Traditions:

As the year draws to a close, it’s a perfect time to reflect on the traditions we hold dear and consider how we shape new ones to honor the diversity within our families. This month, we are thrilled to share our 2024-2025 Bibliography for the Giving Season and All Year Long, a curated collection of books that celebrate stories of identity, culture, and connection. This guide is a testament to the power of books in fostering understanding, self-discovery, and belonging for adopted persons and their families. We thank Avril for always curating such an amazing list!

The Power of Stories to Build Bridges

For families extended through adoption, especially transracial adoption, holidays can bring unique opportunities to navigate the balance between celebrating inherited traditions and creating new ones that honor a child's racial and cultural heritage. This is no small task, but it’s also one of the greatest gifts we can give our children: the chance to see themselves reflected in the stories we tell and the celebrations we share.

Our 2024 Bibliography encourages families to explore books that:

Support authors and illustrators who are people of color to ensure diverse voices are celebrated and heard.
Highlight the experiences of adopted persons, offering powerful insights for families and a sense of connection for children.
Provide mirrors and windows: Books where children can see themselves and their experiences reflected, while also opening windows into the lives of others.

Whether you’re raising Black children in a white family, nurturing a child with queer identities, or simply working to foster empathy and inclusivity in your home, books are an invaluable resource.

Holiday Giving Guide: A Few Quick Tips

When selecting books this season, consider these tips to make your giving even more impactful:

Shop Independent: Support Black-owned and independent bookstores whenever possible. Not sure where to start? Ask your local librarian for recommendations or visit bookshop.org.
Think Broadly: Don’t just gift books to the children in your life—share them with educators, neighbors, and friends to help spark broader conversations.
Pair Books with Action: Use stories as a springboard to learn more about your child’s cultural heritage or to find ways to celebrate their traditions.

August – Growing: Always Learning

August Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

Transracial Journeys invites your family to experience the calendar in a whole new way. With the help of the June-in-April Calendar Conversation Cards, each month your family is invited to use the cards as a tool for more regular and intentional conversations about identity, family relationships, and differences of race and culture.

Each month has four cards with conversation starters. The prompts and questions are designed to spark reflection and ongoing dialogue within your family as well as with extended family and friends. There is no prescriptive way to use the cards, sometimes parents or grown-ups can take the lead and ask the questions and other times, children can go first.

August Pro-Tip for Parents: Back to school is a time of transition for children and families. It’s a time to be thoughtful about what children need when they go into schools every day. A great way to prepare children from families that don’t match is by having intentional conversations about differences of race and ethnicity as well as family structure and culture.

CARD ONE: IDENTITY
Close your eyes and think of being a kid at school: What is the first word that comes to mind?
• Can you describe what your school was like?
- How big was it?
- How many other kids were there?
• What was your favorite subject?

CARD TWO: RELATIONSHIPS
• Who were some of your favorite teachers and why?
• Were there any kids or teachers who looked like me in your school?
• Were there any kids or teachers that were a different race than you?

CARD THREE: EMBRACING AND FACING DIFFERENCES OF RACE AND CULTURE
• Did you ever see black or brown students being treated differently?
• How do you think your experiences in school were different from mine?
• What can you do better to prepare me for what I might face at school?

This post is from our August 2024 newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe. You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long. And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!

Book Corner – August 2024

The Connected Parent

by Karyn Purvis, Lisa Qualls and Emmelie Pickett
Adult Nonfiction

The Connected parent offers a framework for parenting called Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI). TBRI is an attachment-based and trauma-informed approach designed to support the complex needs of children with histories of trauma. This framework focuses on three core principles: empowerment, connection and correction, and first asks parents do their own inner work of healing and introspective processing in order to show up for their children with the most clarity possible.

The book provides personal anecdotes, including religious ones, as well as research-based insights from neuroscience, attachment theory and developmental psychology, and offers practical and actionable strategies for parents. This book aims to help parents understand more intentionally the importance of helping children feel safe, valued and connected, which is particularly important and effective for children who have experienced early harm, neglect, abuse, toxic stress and other adverse childhood experiences.

Karyn Purvis is associated with Texas Christian University, the number five most conservative college in Texas, where students are able to study various religions and are not required by the school to attend any services. My sense of this book is that there is good science here that I’ve seen in many other non-religious-based books and articles, as well as in my own experiences of non-religious therapy. The religious anecdotes may help anchor parents who practice Christianity, and are not so emphasized that non-Christian parents can’t just leave those behind while gaining science-backed insights.

Reviewed by Bear Howe, TRJ white adoptive parent.

Back-to-School

By K. Bean

Back-to-school season is an exciting and transformative time, not just for our children but for us as parents as well. While our children gear up for new academic adventures, we as parents can seize this opportunity to reignite our own commitment to learning and growth. Embracing a mindset of curiosity and dedication to continuous learning is essential for fostering an inclusive, supportive, and understanding family environment. Continuing to learn about the impact of racism and bias will help create more emotional, psychological and physical safety for our children.

Intentional Conversations About Adoption & Race

Parenting children of another race necessitates a profound and ongoing commitment to being self-aware, culturally competent, and anti-racist. I understand that my process of learning how to be better surrounding these complex issues will never be complete; there is always more to understand, more perspectives to consider, and more ways to support our boys. By engaging in intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can create a space where everyone feels heard, valued, and understood.

For us as parents, staying curious means actively seeking out knowledge and experiences that enhance our understanding of our boys racial and cultural background. We read books, attend workshops, and participate in cultural events that share our boys' heritage. We want to demonstrate that their identity is respected and celebrated. This kind of proactive engagement sets a powerful example, showing them that learning is a lifelong journey and that understanding and respecting differences is a vital part of personal growth.

Discussions Can Help Develop a Sense of Self, Strengthen Bonds and Build a Foundation of Trust

Moreover, having intentional conversations about race and adoption can help address the unique challenges that transracially adopted children might face. These discussions can provide a safe space for them to express their experiences and feelings, whether they relate to racial identity, experiences of discrimination, or questions about their adoption. By normalizing these conversations, we can help them develop a positive sense of self and equip them with the tools to navigate a world that may not always be accepting or understanding.

In addition to benefiting our boys, these conversations foster a deeper connection within our family. When we discuss complex topics like race and adoption openly and honestly, it strengthens our bond and builds a foundation of trust and mutual respect. This openness encourages them to share their struggles and triumphs, knowing that we are here to support them without judgment. It also allows us as parents to share our own vulnerabilities and learning experiences, highlighting that growth and understanding are continuous processes for everyone.

Back to School: Recommit to Our Own Educational Journeys

In conclusion, back-to-school season is an opportune moment for us to recommit to our own educational journeys, especially when parenting through transracial adoption. By fostering intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can enhance our understanding, support one another more effectively, and create a loving, inclusive environment where everyone feels valued. This commitment to continuous learning and growth benefits not just the family but society as a whole, promoting a culture of empathy, respect, and inclusivity.

Book Corner – July 2024

Book Corner – Brooke Randolph: It’s Not About You

Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption

It’s Not About You: Understanding Adoptee Search, Reunion, & Open Adoption is a book written for adoptive and birth parents and their therapists. After repetitive conversations with adopted persons (and sometimes their parents) about reactions to their search and reunion, Brooke knew adoptive and parents of origin needed a book on the topic.

Brooke is a therapist, author, speaker, trainer and an adoptive parent who enjoys sharing with groups of all sizes whether that is in person or online. Both therapeutically and personally, she is committed to never stop learning and growing. Primary specialties for Brooke include adoption competent therapy, Brainspotting, relationship building, and developmental trauma. Brooke is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist, a Certified Brainspotting Trainer & Consultant, and coordinator for the groups Brainspotting Indy and Brainspotting with Adoption.

This year, we are thrilled to have Brooke joining us at the Transracial Journeys Family Camp to help bring to life parent work sessions centered on creating a brighter path to inclusivity for transracially adopted persons as well as the extended family.

https://brooke-randolph.com/author-brooke/

June Father’s Day: Family Titles, Roles, and Relationships

Officially celebrating Father’s Day came a bit later than Mother’s Day and there are many of the same things to think about and reflect on as we come to this day that is all about acknowledging the fathers and father figures in our lives. In adoption father’s of origin or birth/first fathers are often thought of after mothers. Sometimes there can be even less information about fathers and it can be harder to open up a conversation about the role these men play in the lives of adopted children and as part of the extended family.

Read last month's post, Mother’s Day: Family Titles, Roles, and Relationships for more insight on this subject from multiple perspectives.

June Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

At Transracial Journeys we send our families conversation cues each month, from our Transracial Journeys card deck. The card deck contains three cards for each month, designed for the children to ask their parents. Below are the questions for June. Before letting your child get started, prepare by reading the parent pro-tip, from the Parent Guide, each month.

June Pro-Tip for Parents: As with May it is important to spend some time reflecting on how you hold Fathers’ Day for yourself and how you might be better equipped to hold your child/children as they experience their own version of the holiday. Best to have planned time for conversation with trusted loved ones and/or community members before, during, and after your family conversations.

This post is from our June, 2024, e-newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe. You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long. And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp.

Book Corner – May 2024

Monstrous is a young adult graphic novel memoir written and illustrated by nonbinary comic artist and transracial adoptee Sarah Myer. The story is about Myer's childhood years in the 1990s and early 2000s in rural Maryland, taking us from an imaginative and emotionally explosive early childhood, through an adolescence rife with bullying, racism, homophobia, ableism, mental health struggles and the protagonist's reckoning with identity, how to stick up for themselves, take responsibility for themselves and find self-acceptance, all with the help of art and anime.

Sarah was adopted from Korea by white parents as an infant, and they live in rural Maryland on a farm. Sarah becomes obsessed with making art after seeing the Little Mermaid with their mom as a preschooler. They don’t want to play dolls the way the girls want to, and they play well with the boys until they are told to go away for not being a boy. When Sarah sees a Sailor Moon cartoon on tv, their entire world begins to change, as anime shows them a world wider and more diverse than their physical community, and eventually leads them to find other artists and people who think more like they do and accept them for who they are.

Sarah struggles with turning to violence as the only way they can defend themselves when adults at school won't help, and pushes friends away as a way to process self-rejection and the overwhelming negativity coming at them daily. By the time Sarah is finishing high school, they have found a few good, safe friends in theater and through anime, and upon finally watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, find the empowerment they need to realize they are the only person who can decide what their life gets to be. We get to see Sarah's return to their childhood self to nurture their own sense of belonging, acceptance, kindness and excitement for the future.

Monstrous is a raw, emotional ode to being yourself and keeping your heart intact when others are hateful, and through periods when you might not know how to hold on to yourself anymore. While transracial adoption and racism is a big theme in this book, there are many intersectional layers to this story that will be relevant to a wide range of readers. This young adult book is marketed to people ages 14-18, but I would recommend this book to kids as young as 11, with the understanding that there are a few slight references to sex and a handful of scenes with violence in them, including illustrated images of the monster Sarah imagines lives inside them. I would also recommend this book to all adults who’ve ever felt a disconnect from their communities, or who love anime, or who love to get their hearts tugged on by a strong, imperfect, lovable protagonist who becomes the hero they never knew they could be.

Black Excellence: Austin Channing Brown

“The work of anti-racism is the work of becoming a better human to other humans. We are saying: I think you have capacity to be a better human, would you accept that invitation? And I can’t tell you how often the response is, ‘But I would rather just be nice and polite if that’s okay.’”

-Austin Channing Brown, from an interview with Brene Brown, 2020

Photos: credit Austin Channing Brown

Austin Channing Brown is a prominent voice in the world of anti-racism and justice work. Brown challenges societal norms and sheds light on the complexities of navigating race in America. She gives practical insight into breaking down how we go about doing anti-racism work in our own lives without putting the burden of white education onto black people.

As a speaker and advocate, Brown travels extensively, engaging audiences with her compelling storytelling and thought-provoking insights. Through her work, she emphasizes the importance of confronting uncomfortable truths about race and privilege, fostering authentic dialogue, and actively pursuing equity and justice. Brown's approach is both empowering and compassionate, encouraging individuals and organizations to confront bias and work towards meaningful change.

Photos: credit Austin Channing Brown

Her acclaimed book, "I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness," offers a poignant narrative of her own journey as a black woman, grappling with identity, belonging and systemic racism.

Austin Channing Brown is involved in various initiatives aimed at promoting diversity and inclusion in workplaces, schools and communities. Her work serves to inspire introspection and action, challenging individuals and institutions to dismantle systems of oppression and cultivate environments where all people are valued and respected.

Austin Channing Brown's impact resonates far beyond her written words, inspiring countless individuals to embark on their own journeys towards understanding and dismantling racism.

Book Corner – December 2023

A young boy is excited for the arrival of his older brother. He is looking forward to celebrating Kwanzaa with him and the rest of their family. As a candle is lit on the Kinara each night, simple (yet heartwarming) illustrations depict the accompanying seven principles of Kwanzaa.

There is a familiarity in this sweet book as it may remind older readers of “The Night Before Christmas” - one of the most well-known poems about the holiday.

This is a recommended read for multicultural families as it blends an old tradition (reading the old poem) with new ones (celebrating the principles of Kwanzaa).

Reveal: The Masks We See and Those We Don’t

October Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

At Transracial Journeys we send our families conversation cues each month, from our Transracial Journeys card deck, given to all our families at Family Camp and available for purchase. The card deck contains three cards for each month, designed for the children to ask their parents. Below are the questions for October. Before letting your child get started, prepare by reading the parent pro-tip, from the Parent Guide, each month.

October Pro-Tip for Parents: Think about the symbolism of masks and how you might mask your feelings about adoption and differences of race. What can you do to tap into those feelings and let them show in healthy ways? Do you recognize when your child might be masking their feelings? “We Wear the Mask” - Paul Laurence Dunbar

This post is from our October 2023, e-newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe. You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long. And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!

A Holiday Reflection for Our Extended Family