adoptive parents support groups Archives

Reclaiming Our Family Narrative: Setting Boundaries & Building Belonging

Transracial adoptive families represent diversity in a world that is constantly observing—even while professing, it doesn't “see color.” This reality makes it imperative that transracially adopted children are protected from the micro and macro aggressions they face by parents setting intentional, empowering boundaries. As a parent navigating the winding roads of adoption and identity, I've learned that fostering belonging begins with establishing clear, non-negotiable limits on what we accept from others.

Defining Our Space in a Noisy World

Every day, invasive questions and offhand assumptions challenge our privacy and personal truth. When strangers ask, “Where does your child really come from?” or imply that our family doesn’t quite “fit", it’s easy to feel exposed. However, these moments are opportunities to set boundaries, advocate for our narrative, and remind the world that our story is rich, complex, and not for public consumption. Responding with clarity and calm is an act of self-care and a declaration: our family is defined by us.

Creating Foundations of Belonging

Building belonging starts at home. It means having difficult, honest conversations with our children about their adoption, heritage, and the unique tapestry of identities that form who they are. As a parent, I ask myself:

What age-appropriate conversations can I have about their roots and identity?
How can I create an environment where my child feels unconditionally accepted?
What steps can I take to build a community that celebrates our unique family?

By preparing intentionally—establishing clear boundaries with those who may undermine our story—we create the conditions where children can explore and embrace every aspect of who they are. Within this thoughtful, structured environment, adopted persons can find the belonging they need and deserve.

Advocating for Our Truth in Public

Public perception often simplifies our stories. As parents, we must choose when to engage. It's okay to not answer invasive questions. By reclaiming control of our narrative, we teach our children that our family defines its own story.

Moving Forward Together

Parenting in a transracial family is challenging, requiring courage and compassion. We must educate ourselves, support each other, and stand firm in our belief that our family is beautiful and complete. Let's build communities that celebrate our diversity, ensuring our children experience a sense of belonging that honors every part of them. By reclaiming our narrative, we transform invasive assumptions into opportunities for growth and belonging.

Book Corner – February 2025

All Ways Black

Cree Myles, Curator of All Ways Black

Instead of one book and author this month, we’re sharing a robust resource from Penguin Random House. All Ways Black is a year-round celebration of Black authors and stories, a place to honor the depth and breadth of experiences around what it means to be Black. This is a community dedicated to Black literature – reading, sharing, living, and loving it. All Ways Black aims to help you discover incredible authors and books and support the next wave of Black writers. There are all kinds of goodies on this site - take a look and let us know what you find.

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/all-ways-black/

2025 Family Camp Theme Announcement:

A Message from the TRJ Board of Directors and Executive Director

At the intersection of Black History Month and a month when we celebrate love, we are reminded of the power of community, resilience, and the bonds that sustain us on our journeys. This year, those values feel more urgent than ever and why we are thrilled to announce our 2025 camp theme: Together on the Journey: Community, Empowerment, & Joy.

These words embody the heart of our mission—bringing transracially adopted children and their families together in a space of connection, learning, and growth. Each year, TRJ works to create a place where no one walks alone, where identity is celebrated, and where love is the foundation of everything we do.

It may feel like camp is a long way off, but it will be here before we know it! We are already preparing to welcome you back to Ohio University, where laughter will fill the air, friendships will deepen, and meaningful conversations will take place. Registration will open in March and we cannot wait to see both familiar and new faces join us on this incredible journey. As always, our theme will come to life with the help of our amazing Camp Co-Directors Mary and Karen along with our counselors, presenters and special guests.

Honoring Black history helps us celebrate the children entrusted to us through adoption and helps ensure a strong future. Doing this requires deep work to understand racial identity and belonging within a world that does not see the complexities of family separation and trauma. By committing to this work, we ensure that transracially adopted children are protected, seen, and valued for all that they are.

When we commit to this lifelong journey, we create the conditions for children to grow with confidence, cultural pride, and an unshakable sense of belonging. No matter how cold the climate may feel outside, TRJ is here to wrap you in warmth, understanding, and the unshakable knowledge that together the journey can be better and brighter.

We look forward to walking this journey with you. More on camp very soon! Until then, save the dates - July 30th- August 3rd.

Together, we’ll grow.

Together, we’ll heal.

Together, we’ll thrive.

With Love,
The TRJ Board of Directors & Executive Director

January: Honoring Family Connections Through the Calendar

By April Dinwoodie

I couldn’t sleep. Something was nagging at me. Yes, there were work deadlines looming and the mundane tasks of life left undone. But this was different—a heavier weight, a quiet ache pressing on my spirit that I couldn't quite name. I lay awake, restless, cataloging every possible reason for my sadness. No upcoming anniversaries or events came to mind, nothing obvious to explain this depth of melancholy. Eventually, exhausted, I drifted off in the early hours, only to wake feeling spent and blurry-eyed.

As I scrolled through social media that morning, there it was. The anniversary of my mother of origin’s passing. In that moment, I was reminded of how the body keeps the score and how social media can actually help get an adopted person in sync with family of origin after years of separation.

I had only been in reunion for a few years and had yet to fully sync my calendar with the significant dates connected to my family of origin. While I hadn’t committed the exact dates of my relatives’ births and deaths to functional memory, my body and spirit knew. They remembered. The grief lived there, even when my mind hadn’t caught up. I wept reading the heartfelt tributes others shared about my mother of origin—words of love, loss, and remembrance. I wept because I missed her too, trying to hold onto her memory while also letting her go, all within the same breath.

In that raw moment, I needed grounding. I called my mom—the one who raised me. As we talked, I shared how restless my night had been, how my heart felt unsettled. Before I could explain, she interrupted to share that she hadn’t slept well either. I was struck once again by nature and nurture—and how deeply connected I am to both the mother I was born to and the one who raised me.

I share this personal experience because it’s important that parents today hear how deeply integrated and connected adopted persons can be with family of origin even across generations and even when they are not in relationship with them. While adopted persons are embedded into families through adoption they can never be fully disconnected from the families they are born to and the ones with whom they share genetics and intergenerational imprints.

The start of a new year offers us a powerful opportunity—to reimagine the calendar as more than a tool for appointments and to-do lists. For those connected in adoption, the calendar holds profound layers. It can serve as a mirror, reflecting both joy and pain, celebration and loss, connection and separation. It invites us to honor the fullness of our experiences, the both/and of life.

In adoption, the milestones we mark—and those we overlook—shape our realities and our memories. Beyond traditional holidays and birthdays, there are deeper dates to consider: placement anniversaries, court dates, family reunions, and days inflicted with violence and/or deep pain. Some dates are joyous, others carry grief. And often, those emotions coexist.

As we step into a new year, I encourage families—especially those navigating adoption and cultural differences—to curate their calendars with intention. Here are some ways to do that:

Tips for Parents: Honoring Complexity

Intentionally Integrate Adoption into the Calendar: Take time to consider what information about a child’s family of origin you have access to. Reflect on whether you have the context for significant dates that may be emotionally difficult for the child entrusted to you. Find balanced and thoughtful ways to ask questions of family of origin. If there is little or no information or contact, consider reaching out to the professionals who facilitated the adoption to see what more they can uncover. If those professionals cannot be engaged, explore other ways to gain knowledge. Gathering as much factual information as possible helps create a fuller picture of a child's life before they were with you.
Create Space for Reflection and Grief: Acknowledge that some dates might be bittersweet, or emotionally complex. First you need to identify and process your feelings and emotions in order to get grounded to help make this healing space for the children entrusted to you.
Stay Attuned to Unspoken Grief: Sometimes, children feel emotional around significant dates without fully understanding why. Hold space for those feelings and validate them without needing an explanation. Also, helping children to name the complexity and find language for the layered feelings early on can be transformational.
Mark Significant Dates Beyond the Obvious: Include adoption milestones, biological family birthdays and anniversaries, and personal reflection days. Allow space to honor both joy and complexity.

In addition to leveraging the calendar to be proactive in holding space for complexity, we can also use the calendar to explore cultural heritage. Opening space to integrate new elements of celebration and commemoration can expand your family’s relationship with the calendar and with one another. Being culturally curious and authentically interested in a child’s heritage and leading the way with joy will show children you are genuine in your interest in things that are connected to them.

Tips for Parents: Honoring Cultural Heritage

Embrace Cultural Celebrations Together: Explore holidays from a child's culture of origin and celebrate them as a family. Use these moments as teaching opportunities while centering cultural connections.
Share Stories Behind the Dates: When observing special days, share the stories behind them. Help your child understand both the history and emotional layers connected to these moments.
Personalize Family Traditions: Blend traditions from both birth and adoptive families to create meaningful, inclusive rituals that honor the fullness of your child’s identity.
Revisit and Evolve the Calendar Annually: As children grow, their understanding of identity and belonging shifts. Keep an open dialogue about which dates feel important and be willing to adjust.

The calendar can be a profound tool for healing, learning, and connecting. It reminds us that a lot of things can be true at the same time—joy and loss, gratitude and longing, belonging and searching. As we enter this new year, may we all find ways to honor the fullness of our experiences, making space for all of our many layers of our lives.

Kimble Bells: A Celebration of Generosity

A big thank you to Board Chair Kurt Harvey for his passion and persistence in securing TRJ as the 2025 Kimble Bells Charity and Networking Event honoree. Held in Detroit, the event brought together local business leaders for a night of connection and giving. Thanks to the incredible generosity of attendees and a donation match from Freshbank Partners (co-founded by Kurt and his business partner Therese), an astonishing $19,722 was raised.

End-of-Year Giving: Help Us Continue the Journey

As we look to 2024, we invite you to continue supporting Transracial Journeys in our mission. Year-end donations provide essential resources for programming, education, and advocacy for transracial families. Whether you attended Kimble Bells or simply believe in the power of our work, every contribution helps us create more inclusive, understanding communities.

Visit our donation page to make your year-end gift today. Together, we can make this season one of hope, joy, and belonging for all families.

From all of us at TRJ, happy holidays and a joyful and healthy new year!

November Nourishment: Sustaining Strong and Healthy Families

Thanksgiving can be one of the more complicated historical holidays, and for many in the United States, one of the more family and food-centric holidays. Whether you are a family that chooses not to mark Thanksgiving in a traditional way, or your family goes all out with a big Thanksgiving celebration, this month we are thinking about the family table and what might be true when there are differences of race and culture with transracial adoption. November also brings National Adoption Awareness Month, (NAAM) which can be challenging for some adopted persons. This month prompts on your activity deck include questions for both areas of discussion.

November Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoption

At Transracial Journeys we send out cues for conversations each month. Our Transracial Journeys card deck contains 3 cards for each month that the children use to ask their parents questions. Below are the questions for November. Before getting started, read the parent pro-tip each month.

November Tip for Parents: Talking about family and complicated history can activate deep-seated emotions and feelings. Make sure you have the support you need to process your feelings before and after the conversations you may have with your children.

CARD ONE: IDENTITY
The Family Table: Describe your family table when you were growing up. What was the food like? Who was around the table? What were the best parts of family dinner-time? What were some of the harder parts?
NAAM: When did you first learn of NAAM?

CARD TWO: RELATIONSHIPS
The Family Table: Who were the people sitting around your family table?
NAAM: What does NAAM mean to you?

CARD THREE: EMBRACING AND FACING DIFFERENCES OF RACE AND CULTURE
The Family Table: Were there ever people of different races around your family table?
NAAM: How can we find our own unique ways to honor and mark NAAM?

Revealing: What’s Under The Mask

Fostering Conversations About Transracial Adoption

At Transracial Journeys we send our families conversation cues each month, from our Transracial Journeys card deck, given to all our families at Family Camp. The card deck contains three cards for each month, designed for the children to ask their parents. Below are the questions for October. Before letting your child get started, prepare by reading the parent tip, from the Parent Guide, each month.

October Tip for Parents: Think about the symbolism of masks and how you might mask your feelings about adoption and differences of race. What can you do to tap into those feelings and let them show in healthy ways? Do you recognize when your child might be masking their feelings? “We Wear the Mask” - Paul Laurence Dunbar

This post is from our October 2024, e-newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe. You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long. And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!

August – Growing: Always Learning

August Pro-Tip to Foster Conversations About Transracial Adoptions

Transracial Journeys invites your family to experience the calendar in a whole new way. With the help of the June-in-April Calendar Conversation Cards, each month your family is invited to use the cards as a tool for more regular and intentional conversations about identity, family relationships, and differences of race and culture.

Each month has four cards with conversation starters. The prompts and questions are designed to spark reflection and ongoing dialogue within your family as well as with extended family and friends. There is no prescriptive way to use the cards, sometimes parents or grown-ups can take the lead and ask the questions and other times, children can go first.

August Pro-Tip for Parents: Back to school is a time of transition for children and families. It’s a time to be thoughtful about what children need when they go into schools every day. A great way to prepare children from families that don’t match is by having intentional conversations about differences of race and ethnicity as well as family structure and culture.

CARD ONE: IDENTITY
Close your eyes and think of being a kid at school: What is the first word that comes to mind?
• Can you describe what your school was like?
- How big was it?
- How many other kids were there?
• What was your favorite subject?

CARD TWO: RELATIONSHIPS
• Who were some of your favorite teachers and why?
• Were there any kids or teachers who looked like me in your school?
• Were there any kids or teachers that were a different race than you?

CARD THREE: EMBRACING AND FACING DIFFERENCES OF RACE AND CULTURE
• Did you ever see black or brown students being treated differently?
• How do you think your experiences in school were different from mine?
• What can you do better to prepare me for what I might face at school?

This post is from our August 2024 newsletter. If you would like to get our newsletter in your inbox each month, please subscribe. You will get invitations to our Parent Meet-Up each month, a virtual meeting to act as a transracial adoption support group - sharing issues, ideas and strategies for creating a culture of communication and curiosity in your home, as well as monthly card prompt to keep the conversations about race, adoption, family, love and relationships front and center all year long. And lastly, you'll always be made aware of important dates for Transracial Journeys Family Camp!

Back-to-School

By K. Bean

Back-to-school season is an exciting and transformative time, not just for our children but for us as parents as well. While our children gear up for new academic adventures, we as parents can seize this opportunity to reignite our own commitment to learning and growth. Embracing a mindset of curiosity and dedication to continuous learning is essential for fostering an inclusive, supportive, and understanding family environment. Continuing to learn about the impact of racism and bias will help create more emotional, psychological and physical safety for our children.

Intentional Conversations About Adoption & Race

Parenting children of another race necessitates a profound and ongoing commitment to being self-aware, culturally competent, and anti-racist. I understand that my process of learning how to be better surrounding these complex issues will never be complete; there is always more to understand, more perspectives to consider, and more ways to support our boys. By engaging in intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can create a space where everyone feels heard, valued, and understood.

For us as parents, staying curious means actively seeking out knowledge and experiences that enhance our understanding of our boys racial and cultural background. We read books, attend workshops, and participate in cultural events that share our boys' heritage. We want to demonstrate that their identity is respected and celebrated. This kind of proactive engagement sets a powerful example, showing them that learning is a lifelong journey and that understanding and respecting differences is a vital part of personal growth.

Discussions Can Help Develop a Sense of Self, Strengthen Bonds and Build a Foundation of Trust

Moreover, having intentional conversations about race and adoption can help address the unique challenges that transracially adopted children might face. These discussions can provide a safe space for them to express their experiences and feelings, whether they relate to racial identity, experiences of discrimination, or questions about their adoption. By normalizing these conversations, we can help them develop a positive sense of self and equip them with the tools to navigate a world that may not always be accepting or understanding.

In addition to benefiting our boys, these conversations foster a deeper connection within our family. When we discuss complex topics like race and adoption openly and honestly, it strengthens our bond and builds a foundation of trust and mutual respect. This openness encourages them to share their struggles and triumphs, knowing that we are here to support them without judgment. It also allows us as parents to share our own vulnerabilities and learning experiences, highlighting that growth and understanding are continuous processes for everyone.

Back to School: Recommit to Our Own Educational Journeys

In conclusion, back-to-school season is an opportune moment for us to recommit to our own educational journeys, especially when parenting through transracial adoption. By fostering intentional and planned conversations about adoption and race, we can enhance our understanding, support one another more effectively, and create a loving, inclusive environment where everyone feels valued. This commitment to continuous learning and growth benefits not just the family but society as a whole, promoting a culture of empathy, respect, and inclusivity.

Reflections: Entry Point for Living Fully with Authenticity and Purpose as an Adoptive Family

by TRJ Executive Director, April Dinwoodie

As I reflect on my younger years as a transracially adopted person, I am filled with so many wonderful childhood memories with my sister, brothers, my parents and extended family. I am also filled with the memories of feeling isolated with my feelings and thoughts about adoption and differences of race.

My parents, busy as they were looking after us, were not in tune, and rhythm with some of the needs that I had as a Black/biracial transracially adopted person. We didn’t talk enough about the realities of separation from family of origin or differences of race, and I was left to navigate these big real realities mostly on my own.

Conversations: An Entry Point for Living Fully with Authenticity and Purpose

Today, I can confidently say that the entry point for living fully with authenticity and purpose as an adoptive family where difference of race is present, is grounding conversation that is ongoing and ever present in your daily life.

Adoption is both a journey rooted in love, and it’s also a path intertwined with unique challenges, especially when it involves racial differences. It’s crucial to recognize that adoption doesn’t just create your family; it weaves together origins, cultures, and backgrounds that may be vastly different.

Encouraging an Environment of Discussion

Start by encouraging an environment where questions and discussions about adoption and race are welcomed and encouraged. It’s important for children to feel safe in expressing their feelings and curiosities. This always starts with you. So often, I hear parents say – “my child never asks me questions” or “they never really want to talk about adoption or our differences”. Almost always the questions are there but the space to explore them is not.

Getting more into the flow of ongoing conversation requires commitment from parents and caregivers as well as resources to support the effort. Use books, movies, and cultural events as tools to celebrate your child’s heritage and your family’s multiculturalism. This not only helps them connect with their roots but also aids the whole family in understanding and appreciating culture, ethnicity and heritage more holistically. Check out our book corner and conversation cards as you continually add to your tool kit.

Connecting With Other Adoptive Families

Another way to scaffold your family is to connect with other adoptive families, especially those with similar dynamics. Sharing experiences and insights can be invaluable for both parents and children. Transracial Journeys is excited to remind parents of a partnership that began in October 2023 with Adoption Network Cleveland to bring our parents the Transracial Adoptive Parent Support Group. Join us Thursday, January 18, 2024 7:00pm-8:00pm and third Thursdays of each month. Registration details can be found on the Adoption Network Cleveland website.

And finally, do not be ashamed or afraid to seek professional guidance from counselors or therapists, particularly those who specialize in adoption and multicultural families. They can provide strategies and support for navigating complex emotions and situations. Here is a state by state directory of mental health professionals who identify as adoptees and work with adoptees /adoptive families in a variety of public and private settings. This list was curated by Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker and I encourage you to visit her website to learn more.

Remember, these conversations are not a one-time event but an ongoing dialogue that evolves as your child grows. It’s about building a foundation of trust, understanding, and respect for your child’s unique identity and your families unique reality.